O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

[mustachio69]

It's official. Christmas tree picking is David's favorite day of the  entire year. Sure, Thanksgiving is amazing and comes with its own incredible dining table traditions, and Christmas Day is always special. If waking up on December 25th wrapped up in Elijah's arms is the only gift he ever gets from now on, David will be the happiest boy ever after. Valentine's Day is always sweet, their anniversaries are always noted and birthdays never fail to make him smile. David has made more happy memories in the past three years than the previous twenty three combined.

One of his happiest was trimming and decorating a real tree in Elijah's living room, just a couple of months after their first date. Elijah's first grown up Thanksgiving. David's first real fir tree. At the time it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him and he couldn't possibly fathom how anything could beat it. Elijah, of course, found ways. It hadn't even taken him very long. That same day, he'd given David a key to his apartment. Now, that's always the first ornament he hangs, giving it pride of place.

So it's imperative they find a tree that is worthy of such an honour. Among other things...

"Hmm..." He hums from below, squatting in front of a robust-looking tree. "I don't think we'd both fit under here at the same time," he concludes, turning his head up to Elijah. Not unless one of them is happy to get their bare back and butt scratched by thousands of pine needles. "The trunk is too short." 

David loves all their little traditions. 

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[5678ing]

"And... that's a deal breaker?" Elijah guesses. It's a nice tree, but he thought the same about the half dozen David had inspected before it. He was wrong every time.

"Can't you just, like, trim the bottom branches off and then poof. Longer stump. If that's a thing that you need." Which it apparently is. He's not there to question David's requirements.

[mustachio69]

"It's a thing we need, Elijah," David corrects with a pointed look. Can't have sex under a Christmas tree with a short stump. That would be all kinds of prickly.

"And oh my god, I'm going to pretend you didn't just suggest that," he continues, rising from his crouch and getting caught off guard with a mighty yawn. "We're getting closer." The words are unintelligle even to himself. David covers his mouth. "Excuse me. We're getting closer."

[5678ing]

"What's wrong with trimming them? They were already ripped out of the ground; you can't possibly do anything worse to it than that. If you can't find what you want, make it with what's available." And apparently what's available is trees that are too short, too tall, not full enough, too full or have stumps that are evidently not long enough.

"You're insane." Luckily, it's the lovable kind of insane. Elijah thinks it's amusing just how into the whole process of picking and decorating a Christmas tree David, his Jewish boyfriend, is. Left up to him, he'd have a fake poinsettia plant or, if he was feeling really festive, maybe a replica of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

[mustachio69]

"Like you did with me?" David guesses with a wry smile, bumping Elijah gently with his shoulder. He's joking, for the most part.

"Sorry." He pushes chilly fingers into his pockets. "Any of these trees will do. I'm just excited that we're getting another real one. I could breathe these in for days," he says, filling his lungs with the invigorating aroma of pine.

[5678ing]

"What are you talking about? I wanted a boyfriend with piercing blue eyes and that's what I got," Elijah insists. He hadn't been in the market for a boyfriend at all, actually. He just got lucky. "You have a lot more criteria to meet for something we're gonna toss in a few weeks."

He rounds the aisle to the next row of trees. Or maybe it's the row they had seen before. He's all mixed up at this point and everything looks the same to him. "No, we've been here this long, we're not leaving without finding your perfect tree."

[mustachio69]

"Ahhh, they're gonna hear you," David panics, hands quickly holding the sides of his face. Elijah clearly doesn't remember all 21 bullet points from David's filofax on how to take care of a Christmas tree properly. Rule number four is literally 'talk to it every day but absolutely nothing negative.'

His panic starts to melt away at Elijah's next statement. Knowing his boyfriend knows how much a perfect tree means to him makes his heart perform a little tippity-tap deep inside his chest.

"If all else fails, we could stick you in some water and put the star on your head," David compromises, following Elijah and reaching out every now and then to fondle a branch. "You're tall, pretty and smell good."

[5678ing]

"I'm not sure how having sex under me by yourself would work out, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued."

Maybe David's perfect tree was at another lot. Or at a big box store, ready to be assembled, with adjustable branches and, most importantly, pre-lit.

[mustachio69]

By now, David and Elijah have racked up their fair share of adventurous exploits in the bedroom and more than a few outside of it too. But there are always things they haven't thought of before.

"That's tonight sorted," he replies in a cheeky tone, careful not to let his mind wander too much since there are just as many kids as adults at the tree farm today.

A new Christmas tune starts playing from well-hidden speakers and David hums along for a few bars before he's interrupted by his own gasp.

"Elijah..." He points at a tall-but-not-too-tall, plump-but-not-too-plump and characterful tree towards the end of the aisle. A gaggle of shoppers also seeking the perfect tree are dangerously close to the one David's just spotted.

"Oh my god, quick, get it, get it, get it," he declares in a harsh whisper, rushing ahead but trying not to draw attention to himself or the tree he's got his eye on.

[5678ing]

Elijah follows, weaving and twisting his way through the crowd, being polite as he can and excusing himself as he goes. He has half a mind to shot out above the music and tell David to pee on it to claim it once he gets there, afraid someone else will beat them to it. And then they're stuck in this maze for another three hours in search of one that matches up to it.

[mustachio69]

The closer David gets to the tree, the more perfect it becomes. It's a diamond in the rough. It definitely needs some trimming here and there, but its branches are so numerous, thick and bushy that the ones sticking out at odd angles are almost endearing.

David bounds the last few metres over to it and immediately drops down to check the stump. They would have had to take off several layers of branches to fit under the previous tree, but this one only needs a little shaping to pass health and safety sex inspections.

David springs upright. "This is The Tree!" He sing-songs, making sure his gloves are on tight before reaching between the branches to grasp the middle of it.

"Oh yes, Martha, this one will do very nicely."

David swivels his head to find an old man and an old woman looking appreciatively at his tree. Elijah's and his tree.

"Make sure you chop off an inch from the bottom before you net it," the old man instructs David. "It needs to see us through to the New Year."

[5678ing]

Elijah stares blankly at the old man for a long moment before eventually looking at David. They are not leaving without that tree.

"Here," Elijah pipes up from behind the couple, then heads over to David and their tree, "I can help with that. It's pretty big." He grabs the tree from its place in the row then looks at David. "That way to get it netted?" Elijah asks, giving him a look that says please play along. This is what those improv classes were preparing him for.

"Do one of you want to bring your car closer from where ever it is you're parked? I can bring it out for you once it's all ready."

[mustachio69]

This can't actually be happening, David thinks, his grip tightening instinctively on the tree when Elijah grabs it. He'd seen it first, fair and square. Screw respecting your elders.

"W-uhh, yep." He has no idea what's going on but there's no way Elijah would betray him like this while looking him dead in his piercing blue eyes. He loosens his hold. "That, that way for netting. And um, I think," he points in the opposite direction, "down there is, that's the quickest way to all the cars," he encourages, placing his hands gently on the couple's backs and coaxing them to set off.

"My...trainee and I will take good care of the tree. Scout's honor. No rush. Your last name is Carter? Okay. Take your time. Okay. Bye bye for now. Bye bye. Thank you. Bye bye."

When they eventually move out of earshot, David stamps his foot in frustration, hands balled into fists by his sides.

[5678ing]

Elijah doesn't notice David's little fit, too busy trying to size up all the trees in the immediate area to find one that looks close enough to theirs in size and shape.

"This one?" He says, mostly to himself. He has to work fast, though, so it'll have to do. "This one! Okay. David? David!" Elijah hisses. "I'm going to pay for both of these, have them hold ours up front, then help you get this one to them. They're old. They're probably going to pay you in cash. If not, just tell them they're the fiftieth customers or something and the tree is on the house."

Are they going to hell for this?

[5678ing]

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Elijah asks, lacing up his second skate. Slowly. He having second and third thoughts.

"We could just go home, have another hot chocolate and snuggle. Maybe test to see if the tree trunk really is tall enough..." He tries to make it all sound as enticing as possible. It's working on him, but anything sounds better than a cold, wet butt.

[mustachio69]

"Very sure," David replies with enough excitement for the both of them. He's standing up in his boots already, practically vibrating.

"There's nothing stopping us doing any of those things afterwards," he points out, offering his gloved hands to help him up with a soft smirk. "Will you take my hand..?"

[5678ing]

Both skates secured and all out of ways to procrastinate, Elijah sighs before rising to his feet. He takes a few cautious steps towards David, needlessly holding his arms out for balance already even though he's still on solid ground.

"I think the tree thing might have to wait until another day after we're finished here." He's going back to the apartment in pain when they're done, he knows it.

[mustachio69]

"Okay, bambi," David teases, watching Elijah with a soft smile on his face. He takes pity and moves a step closer so he has less far to wobble.

David's not sure he'll get a chance to do it on the ice - not if Elijah is right about spending so much time on his butt - so he takes the opportunity to press a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's lips.

"Thank you for agreeing to do this with me." He's so tall, David thinks. So much farther to fall... "I love you."

[5678ing]

"Remember me how I am, not how I will be in five minutes," Elijah asks after returning the kiss. Right now he's upright and there's obviously something David finds charming about him to have hung around this long. That's what he should remember.

"How do we get in? Where are the balance walker things?" Do they make any tall enough for him?

[mustachio69]

"The entrance is just there where those little kids went on the ice," David replies, pointing to a trail of tiny people dressed in pudding outfits who are now skating with equal measures of skill and confidence. He gives Elijah's hand a squeeze of reassurance.

"And um...iiiii am your balance walker thing," he reveals, assuming the role immediately, threading his arm through Elijah's and starting to guide him towards the rink. "Unless you can find a way to stack like, say four of those plastic penguins on top of each other."

[5678ing]

"I'll just hold the wall then," Elijah insists. If they skate like this then he's sure to take David down with him. With two people falling at one that's four stray skates and someone is bound to take a stray blade to a body part...

"Who was the first person to look at ice, which is already difficult to walk one, and decide, hey, know what would make this more difficult and dangerous? Strapping sharp weapons to my feet," he says. They were probably Canadian.

[mustachio69]

"I think it was the Eskimos," David replies wisely, moving ahead of Elijah so he can step out onto the ice first. It's been a while since he skated but he knows it'll come back to him.

"They invented loads of ice stuff. Igloos. Fishing on icebergs. Ice cubes. I'm pretty sure they hunt polar bears with handmade icicles." He puts his skates on the ice, getting a feel for the unusual surface, then turns around and holds his arms out for his boyfriend. "But they also gave us awesome things like Eskimo kisses." Which Elijah will know is David's second favorite kiss in the whole wide world.

"Come on," he encourages, trying to look as sturdy as the trees that surround them. "It's all about confidence."

[5678ing]

"I'm confident I'm going to make a fool of myself," he says with a firm nod. Luckily, he's not too afraid of looking foolish out in public. He'd need to change his career if that was a problem for him.

Elijah reaches out for David, scooting forward slowly and grabbing hold of his hands. He can feel all his muscles and joints tense up as soon as he's on the ice, which he knows can't be good.

"That was fun. You can leave me by the wall now."

[mustachio69]

"Yay, baby's first steps," David teases gently, though his eyes reveal a genuine pride. "I'm not leaving you anywhere," he continues resolutely. "You're stuck with me. Now bend your knees a little, it'll help you stay balanced. Think of it like dancing and how important your center of gravity is. In fact..."

David looks down at their feet, then glances back up quickly and lifts Elijah's head up beneath his chin.

"Never look down," he instructs before returning his own gaze down to the ice. "Your feet should be in one of those V shape positions, exactly like mine are. It's the best way to stay up while you're not moving."

[5678ing]

Elijah assumes the stance David recommends, but he can't help but look down. That's where the weapons are strapped to his feet. Keeping track of them at all times seems like a good idea.

"How is this going to be fun for you?" He asks. Not the skating thing as a whole, but sticking by him as he struggles like a wobbly baby deer. "At least go take a loop around on your own so you can go faster than snail pace for a little while."

[mustachio69]

"How many things have you taken the time to teach me?" David reminds him. Not all of those things would have been fun for Elijah but he still did it. And they were definitely more useful than ice skating.

"I'll skate circles around you once you've got the hang of it enough not to hurt yourself."

David goes through the basics of gliding, focusing on weight transfer and balance and giving Elijah a couple of slow motion demonstrations. Then he moves back into an open space a few meters away from him.

"Okay." He smiles brightly and holds his arms out again. "Ready to go? I reckon you could push off like I showed you and make it over here without falling."